Jounral Entrees
Oct. 25, 2022
I’ve been tasked by Katya to journal about things that I’m grateful for w/ regards to myself. I really appreciate how good I am at taking photos. I have worked hard at developing my eye for it and my photography has really improved from my days of shitty photos from my cheap point and shoot. Back when I had less than $20 in my bank account and I was recycling bottles, doing neighbor’s chores, and tutoring folks for money to develop photos at Wal Mart. I’m also grateful for how funny I am. I’m fucking witty and can really bounce off other’s energy well. I’m grateful for having grown more humble over the years. I’m grateful for my dramatic tendencies that make conversations that much more interesting. I’m grateful for my ability to engrave my experiences into songs through the use of my own words. I’m grateful that I have the ability to adapt well to things. I definitely stumble as I try to learn, but I’m quick to adapt and succeed fairly well (internal narratives aside). I’m grateful that I’ve managed to exhibit more of the kindness I felt I’d lost years ago. The kindness that a younger me so freely gave out. A kindness that I never second-guess with my partner. I’m grateful that I’m still alive. [End of Entree].
Jan. 20, 2023
I had such a beautiful day yesterday w/ Katya. We told each other stories from our past. I confided in her w/ my realization that I’ve had such a limited view of how I can live my life. Katya has played a large part in the positive impact that my move to DC has been. I’m making positive changes in order to LIVE my life. I’m going to live by myself and create my own space. Katya and I went on a nice walk, but my stomach was upset so we kept it short. We came back to have some rice and tea. We cuddled and watched an episode of Easy before ordering Laos in Town. We saw If Beale St. Could Talk. Such a beautiful movie. I had such a great time experiencing the movie with the added twist of trying to view it from Katya’s perspective. We’ve really grown together in this time spent locked indoors. I think I let my anxiety get to me in the beginning, but I’ve really appreciated the fact that I’ve let it go in our time together. Katya has made me more apparent of my anixety, because around her, its so fucking low, almost non-existent. [end of entree]
Entree Cont’d.
Is that really something I should even consider? Who cares about my original intention when there’s someone who makes me feel extremely happy??? Someone who I can be myself around. However, I do need to be aware of the energy I pour into this. I can tend to let my emotions run rampant in excitement and find myself overcontributing and being left empty. I don’t have to be callous but I do have to be patient and cautious. That being said, GOD DAMN do I REALLY like this person. I spoke to my mom earlier today. I told her all about the rush I felt with Katya on our first date. My mom laughed and said something like, “its nice to hear you excited and worked up over someone.” Point being, I got to word vomit my feelings away and that was helpful. I’ve felt so emotional today. I couldn’t keep my mind away from Katya. I cried watching Stranger Things?? what the hell is up with that? To be honest, I feel like I blinked and my day was just gone. I’m surprised its already 9pm [end of entry]
July 7th, 2022
It’s been two months since I got to DC. My room has casually grown wonderfully! I took so many pictures yesterday with Bobby and Lauren. We had a fantastic day. We hit Tattee and had incredible breakfast. We then went to the National Gallery Museum and checked Clyde’s for some nice seafood dinner…I think I met someone. Her name is Katya and we clicked right off the bat. She’s beautiful. Anytime she smiles…I feel so warm and accepted. We’ve spent hours staring into each other’s eyes. She’s an amazing cook, lover, artist, human being. I’m afraid I may be falling for her. I could easily see myself getting into a very serious relationship. Part of me thinks back to my original intention to no get into anything serious in coming here…
Jan. 22, 2023
Journaling with Katya currently—just got distracted by her telling me how much she’ll miss me when she leaves. I’m going to miss her too. I’ve really gotten used to this routine we’ve developed while in quarantine. Its like we’re living together—WHAT, who said that— I’m so happy with her. I realized that I love Katya to such a deep level, one that I didn’t think possible, and it all feels so natural. I didn’t even see this happening, but I am SO deeply in love with this person. She has shown such a goofy side of herself to me. I knew she liked to do bits here and there, but she is VERY weird and I LOVE IT. I am so happy that I’m in this relationship. I love my partner. I am thankful they accept me. I am grateful for their knowledge. She’s played such a vital role in my personal growth. Katya and I keep bringing up how much we love being together, waking up together, and just doing everything together. Our love is really blooming and its so beautiful. I’m so excited to move out and have my own place. [Entree ended].